Tag: Depression

Alright

If I write it, will she come?

Being the only one who can fix it.

Make it better, an unspoken magical healer of all things.

Kiss it and make it better. 

All my sorrow and pain pushed down.

Stamped down, on hold.

Choking back the tears, put a brave face on

Their cries have to be quieted first and foremost.

Frustrated and unheard

Desperately pleading.

A woman’s work is never done. Mama knows best?

Everything is not alright. 

Corrective Lense

I look in the mirror and see an ordinary reflection, reminded of its repulsiveness with it’s lack of a lover’s touch.My words, unread, unheard and unwanted. A desire that is real and stuck deep in my craw. Reminded of those wise words spoken long ago, some things are better left unsaid.

Crazy knows my name, I wish it wouldn’t say it.

Wish in one hand and shit in the other,

Cornucopia of Candy

Raw

Atrophy.

Body dysmorphia.

Feeling removed.

Want to be removed.

Separate. 

Not her.

To look down and see nothing.

Be nothing.

Not here.

I want to cut off my breasts.

A non-person.

A wall with a hole.

You, a pharmacologist

Procuring chemicals to enhance your perfect partner.

Ignoring the words coming from my mouth.

I’m boiling inside

Reducing me to steam.

Someone’s about to get burnt.

You.

You don’t listen.

Won’t listen.

I’m not a woman.

You’ve pushed that away.

I don’t know who the fuck I am.

I found my waist and hip bones in hopes you would too.

Strengthened and straightened my back.

Ankles and calves.

Thighs strong and smooth.

Those legs though

And don’t forget that ass.

ASS

If I ever leave you’ll kill me.

But I’m dead already.

Not on the same page

Let alone book

Pacing barefoot on an earthen path

Waiting for you to put your weight down.

You’ll never find the time

.5mg Ostracine

0.5mg Anastrozole

.4g Treasure Coast

Call you in the morning.

Sat in a corner and licked that mad spot

Licked it raw. 

Spare Tire

Taking the panic out of my voice.

Measured breaths.

Dancing to the beat of a different drummer

Don’t let Mark tell you who I am

Ulterior motives

Digitizing souls

He’ll sell your soul to the highest bidder

“Roses love sunshine

Violets love dew

Angels in Heaven

Know I love”

Remember

I’m Buck & Patty’s oldest granddaughter.

I can buck a bale and can a raspberry.

Fix my own damn flat.

And I’m Luca’s Nammy.

Scream

Swimming in dark molasses.

Everything hurts.

I opened my mouth and heard her scream.

The whites of my eyes turned pink

This foundation means nothing.

Tears are constantly there.

Waking me in the night drowning me in my sleep.

I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

I am a danger to no one but myself.

Enclose me in a box of slate rock

My fingertips running along the stony cleft.

rub the dirt particles into the stone.

I could lay my head down and moisten the rock with my tears.

Cool my cheek against it.

Leave me there till i come to my senses 

That panic came from somewhere. 

Under my rib cage next to my heart.

It scares me. 

I scare me.

Eye See You

Window to a soul.

Tears have to fall before you can see.

Eyes like laser beams.

 

Addicted to the choke.

The spasm in my belly.

The orgasm in pain.

A sweet sorrow.

 

Muscles humming in anticipation.

Craving the dark things.

 

I want to rip it all out and lay it bare. Have you take a stick and poke at it, examine it.

Flip my insides over and say there, that’s it right there. That bit of flesh, right there.