Cindy

Nana hit you over the head with a hairbrush.

Your grandpa and cousins “played” with you too.

Gail left you in a different country to raise three kids.

You want me to ease you, both of you. Doula, you into Jesus’ arms.

My special place.

My quiet space.

My cheek on a warm inner tube floating on the quarry pond.

The soft cornstarch dirt between my toes.

A tender heart can still be violent.

Choice, my choice.

The little girl who had the prettiest mommy in the world

The one she was going to save, sends her

Grace.

I’m Here Now

I’d like to be touched again.

Touched without my shadow.

 

Touched like a real girl.

A clean girl.

A clean girl who likes to get dirty.

 

I married a man who doesn’t like touch.

Ashamed to touch.

Awkward with his touch.

Purposeful but meaningless with his touch.

 

I’m a girl who has been touched.

Who craves touch.

Even when it hurts.

 

Touch me in the sunlight.

In the backseat of a car.

Just touch me.

Remind me, I’m there.

That Girl

Eat. My. Ass. Flick it with your tongue.

Now swallow this shit.

 

Papa

Man

O heavenly father.

 

I’ve seen a man walk with Jesus.

It broke his back.

O papa.

 

Fuck Blue no matter who. And fuck you too.

 

World Wide. 

Open your eyes.

 

Have they made you mad enough to hurt my child? 

You are, they hurt her child and you turned a blind eye.

 

Her.

She.

Me.

We.

 

I’m tired. Screaming into the ether. No one cares. She doesn’t, do you?

I do.

 

Words. Softly spoken. Appropriate. Lady like. 

Demure. Eyes cast downward.

You miss the ball.

 

Hymen. Flesh easily torn.

Man. Flesh easily worn.

 

Death is the ultimate escape.

Pound of flesh.

An eye for a hymen?

 

Be a good woman.

 

A heart of kinetic sand.

Fuck me.

Please.

Fuck you.

Profane.

Profanity.

 

Satan dances on these lips.

Want a taste?

 

Blasphemous. 

Obscene.

Idolatry.

Sacrilege.

Impiety. 

 

Reverence for these lips.

Which lips?

 

Seen but not heard.

Blind eye.

Blind as a bat.

Will only see in the dark.

 

Shine a light?

Sorry I forgot the disconnect notice.

 

Tired, from the trailer hitched to my heel.

Can’t wash that smell off.

Helluva stain. 

 

Wearing my best grease stained white.

aMen.

Divided we fall.

Seeds

Autumn

02/17/1997

La Grande, Oregon

Daughter of

 

Candace

09/19/1970

Burnaby British Columbia Canada

Daughter of

 

Lucinda

03/10/1949

La Grande, Oregon

Daughter of

 

Patricia

01/02/1929

Island City, Oregon

Daughter of

 

Lucinda

01/04/1892

Walla Walla, Washington

Daughter of

 

Almeda

04/05/1863

Roseburg, Oregon

Daughter of

 

Martha

03/14/1837

Illinois

Disruptive

I’m scared too but I promise not to hurt you.

No one wants a gun in their face.

Ever.

 

That’s it.

 

Pussy.

 

The world is melting. Poor boys drinking milk laced with female hormones.

How weak is your stomach with a bone saw?

 

Sadists.

Pedophiles.

Pimps.

Rapists.

Misogynists.

Nationalist.

Racist.

Murderer.

 

Patriarchy.

 

Control the few.

Electoral college.

It’s a coup.

 

No one loved him.

That’s what he deserves.

But I love d him.

 

Even with the boil on his arm.

All that and a bag of chips.

 

Kintsugi (金継ぎ, “golden joinery”), also known as Kintsukuroi (金繕い, “golden repair”),[1] is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique.[2][3][4] As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.[5]

 

 

Wake up and smell the piss.

Don’t cry over spilled milk.

 

My choice.

All the children.

My street.

Inalienable.

 

Run the world.

Pussy.

Feel her breathing.

Vote.

 

I like to wash my dishes by hand, just sayin.

 

In Your Eye.

Lit this bitch.

Faced it.

 

I will not fear.

Fear is the mind killer.

Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

It will pass over me and through me.

Where it has gone there will be ….

~Frank Herbert “Dune”~

 

Me.

I kissed her.

Forgave her.

 

I can.

I have.

I do.

 

Pushed four humans out of my body.

Shot a cow elk and fed my family.

I Survived.

 

I march.

I smoke a little weed.

 

I cook like a black southern woman.

And bake like my grandma.

With love and butter.

 

Yes, I told Nana I’ve got porn star nipples.

I still do.

I love MY fucks.

Cus I can and I do.

 

I can change the oil in a car.

Buck a bale.

Bait a pole.

And yes, I’ll bait your pole too.

 

I’ve called men pussies.

Women cunts.

 

And I vote.

 

I know right from wrong.

I don’t believe in Jesus.

 

Where will I go when I die?

I’ll be the apple of your eye.

 

Pussy foot.

Beat around the bush.

 

Ron Jeremy.

Porn Star extrodinaire.

Joe Arpaio.

Criminal sheriff, GOP Senate Candidate.

Dennis Hof.

A dead GOP candidate. Pimp.

 

Don’t stop me.

Fuck me harder.

I’m built for this shit.

 

Party before country.

Money over humanity.

Patriarchy.

 

Beat them at it’s own game.

Love a man who can grab his ankles.

 

They want their asses wiped.

Wipe it with my ballot.

Use a hillbilly backlash?

Make a pussy snapback!

 

You don’t like the way I say pussy?

 

Trump.

Pence.

McConnell.

 

Get the fuck over it snowflake.

Inverted penis.

Suck deez nuts.

 

Indiana.

Florida.

North Dakota

Georgia.

Right to life, liberty and a ballot.

Taxation without representation.

 

Go on now,  steam that pussy.

 

Believe Me

I was created equal and independent.

Unalienable.

Non transferable.

Cannot be denied.

Preservation of life.

My life.

Me.

 

No regulations on men’s bodies. No laws.  None.

Kamala asked and he told.

 

I know it. He told it.

It takes a village.

Our choice.

Our voice.

 

Don’t tell us when.

The time is now.

Times up.

Read our lips.

 

We are independent.

My body my choice.

Of the people.

By the people.

For the people?

 

Bush bought stock in Nestle when he left office.

Water bottles sit on a runway.

Flint still doesn’t have clean water.

 

We are many, they are few.

 

Right to life is your get out of hell free card.

Silly girl, heavens for straight rich white men not little girls.

 

Speak up.

No one listened. No one cared.

Tear shed and you moved on.

 

Stop.

Breathe.

Listen.

 

Munchausen by Trump.

 

Stockholm Pence.

 

Sadist, masochists and pimps.

 

My name is Candi.

My word.

We are coming.

 

I heard His word.

Sleeping beauty woke,

 

I will sit in your streets.

I will.

Quietly.

You will hear me breathe.

Believe me.